human brain

Ever noticed how greatly developed the human brain is? We work days and months and years to develop parallel processing algorithms and yet you find yourself swinging between tasks with no hardship. Even when it seems you're not compiling the thoughts, the process is being carried on in your conscience and suddenly you come to a resolution, or an idea pops into your mind. Having said this, as an engineer, I really feel we have a long way to our final goal in becoming God ...

solar power

We are learning to use the clean energy from our dear Sun much better. Although Cosmos 1 wasn't very successful in its mission, it was a big leap forward - if I have the authority to say so.
The new spaceship is going to be our next Sun powered gadget and I have heard that soon enough solar powered planes will be crossing continents. I guess we won't see the white line left after airplanes anymore, is that a sad thing? That was the only way we knew a plane had crossed the sky, right? May be by then they can figure something for that too ...

too late

• He wanted to visit his grandfather, now it's too late. I hate to see him down. Time hasn't been his best friend I guess.
• She had to come back before they buried her grandfather. I haven't talked to her yet. I love her smile. I don't know what to say to her.

What is this time and space that keeps us from our loved ones? Have we reflected this pain upon ourselves? Tough call I guess ... it all comes down to priorities ...

P.S. I went to see her. She looks ... ok for now. I wish them strength.

موچین

صبح که از خونه می رفتم بیرون، یادم افتاد که می خواستم ابروهام رو بردارم. تو آینه نگاه کردم و با لبخند موچین رو گذاشتم توی کیفم، مطمئن که به دردم نمی خوره .... تا حالا توی دانشگاه ابرو بر نداشته بودم، چه احساس عجیبی

highroad

It was rather out of character for me, but I took the highroad. Didn't say anything and acted as if I were a grown up, too wise to argue and get involved in the feud. Hmm, I am kind of liking it. Especially when I find that it was only a matter of time for him to get what he deserved from a total stranger, someone who might not even know my name ...

Does it look like I am getting better at being an adult? Is that natural? I mean does it come by age? Certainly different ages for different people, that I know for sure. I'll have to watch myself closer to see how this age thing is working out ...

Indian wedding

I got a phone call 7:20 am from someone who needed a jump. I got up, drove there, just to find that she had parked the car right in the middle of the parking so there was no access to the battery. I bought my car in as close as possible and .... it didn't work. Finally I built up the courage to ask if she had a BCAA membership ...

As I was driving back, it was around 9:00 am and I was thinking why she hadn't called BCAA in the first place ... I saw a splash of color. I really couldn't believe what I was seeing and so I couldn't even imagine they were clothes! It was real, it was an Indian wedding. Each and every person was wearing a single colored dress as part of the color pallet. Amazing! I wish I had my camera with me. I drove by slowly and watched as the bride walked out of the house with her dark red dress ....

the mall

How come when ever I walk into the mall to buy something I end up buying so many other things. This time I was with my mom so I wasn't wandering off too much in the wrong direction. However, instead of the matching skirt I wanted for my top, I ended up buying myself a skirt which I think will match to the turquoise T-shirt I have ... but what should I do about the top that still doesn't have a skirt? I wonder how many more skirts and tops I have to buy before I can find a matching skirt for that ...

hate

Everyone told me I should hate him. But I am a strong believer in giving people the benefit of the doubt. It has now become clear to me that he never deserved the trust I gave. Of course that doesn't change anything with me, I still believe everyone deserves a second round. As for him, well I don't care. He's not even in my sphere of life any more.

I thought long and hard to see if there is any remorse in me. None. But I can't take all the credit for handling the situation so well. I had great friends. Ones who would sit and talk to my heart and hold me for as long as I needed a shoulder. They sat through my tears and my pain. They understood that I can't associate some characteristics with human beings and it will take me a while to believe some things are true.

It's a long gone story, but something just triggered the thoughts again. The only part of me that still hurts is that tiny spot deep down that believes in the ideals of life, that believes it's just a matter of trying harder to get the good out in people. The little spot that doesn't want to confront the truth that some people just don't change ...

crazy day!

I got up early in the morning and marched through a day that by now feels something like 48 hours minimum. And as always, every single thing that can suddenly pop up and go wrong picks exactly your tough day. No complaints though. I sat through a good defence and got to meet a few of the new graduate students who are coming to SFU in the Fall. Nice people, I especially like those who work and come back to school after a while. A lot of courage I must say!

I can't stop thinking about the fireworks. The lights and the music at the beach, what else would you ask for?

Despite all the work I had, I went with mum and dad. I bought them ice cream and we laughed about how everything in the world has started turning around and going the wrong way. They promised to be good and to hold my hand so they don't get lost ... Ha Ha!

I wasn't too enthusiastic about taking pictures. I expected them not to come out too good. And at times I was taken by the beauty of the colors and I couldn't even move to take a picture.

does it make sense?

Can it be that forgetting a problem is the best solution? Just pretending it never existed and you never heard anything? Will it work and is it the proper reaction?

I wish I didn't have so much else going on, I really want to sit and figure a few things. Not just because they are everyday decisions that I am making, but because I want to know if any of what I hear makes sense to me.

excuse

I yet have to figure if it's my way of skipping responsibilities or it's really that important to me ...

کاهگل

دلم بوی کاهگل می خواد. می دونم اینجا از این بوها نیست، اما دلم بوی کاهگل می خواد. نمی دونم چرا از بین همه چیز کاهگل! تو ایران هم که بودم هم حالا این جور نبود که همش بوی کاهگل باشه! لابد بهانه است دیگه، بهانه

by chance?

Today as I was getting dressed, I thought of something specific that would happen. I went to school and it happened. It's not the first time. I get up in the morning, just out of the blue, think of something specific that would happen and it happens! Nothing you could say I had a hint about!

This, sort of messes up all the philosophies in life! Except for the group of people who believe that the world is all a bad dream, I don't think anyone believes you can think of something and make it happen - something like dream it into your life. The events are not even anything exciting or ... so I can't group them up with the positive thinking ideology. It doesn't really make sense and it happens more often than pure luck!

what's the deal?

You grow up being told to be nice to people, to be polite and help others as much as you can. It becomes an internalized value to you and you think of it as being a positive gesture, or is it?

Truth is, recently I had quite a few encounters that proved otherwise.

People start to look for weird reasons for you being nice to them. Something along the lines of "what are you expecting in return?" and trying to stay cautious about what they will have to give to make it up to you. God forbid that it's a guy, then you'll be accused of trying to hit on him!

What happened to being nice just for the spirit of it? Have values changed? or have people become used to paying prices for whatever they receive? Where have I been all this time?

decisions

Should I skip doing homework and finishing my final project and go to the fireworks? I do wait all year long for this two weeks and I did miss it last year - I was back home having a hell of a time. But then what am I going to do with the homework and the project? This week is going to be a very busy one, I know inside that I should be concentrating on work but ... It's also a friend's birthday and I still don't know what he's planning to do ...
On the other hand, the course instructor lives downtown near the place where the fireworks are on display. Something's tickling in my tummy to take him up on the offer he made to drive us downtown and ...

nice weather!

It has been awesome lately. I mean the weather is just gorgeous, not possible to think of anything better. As much as I love going out and playing in the Sun, and as much as I like the tan, I am really starting to miss the dance parties! I dance at home, well, almost everyday - and my friends keep picking on me for it ... but it's different to go out and dance with a crowd. Think of it, I could be dancing in a garden ...

This I have to say: At the time I was applying for graduate studies abroad, I told Amir's mum that one of the first things I want to do as soon as I get out of Iran is to dance in open air, in the park, somewhere beautiful. Yes, I did it when I got here. As soon as I bought a car, I went out and danced in the arms of mother nature ...

heavy machinery

I don't know if I got this love of big heavy machinery from my mum and dad, but I sure like them very much. I remember being fascinated by the thought of my parents running a mine. They told me stories of the machinery they had and I used to dream of driving one of them.

Despite all the complaints we all make about the never ending construction on campus, somewhere inside I am happy that I can watch the lift trucks and loaders.

self defense

I was taught a lot of great stuff during the intense self defense training I had - hoping I will never use it. Among the material was something I can think of more as an amusement - I should quote that the instructor said: "some people don't like this" and handed it out with a smile and we giggled in class about it.

The header of the sheet said: SNAPPY RESPONSES. Look at this one:

Abuse:"Why do women always use their beauty, not their brains, to get ahead?"
Response:"Because men can see better than they can think!"

it's still me

This is what happens when you don't think of the image you are leaving when you give people bits and pieces of information. I know I have done this before with close friends not paying attention that knowing me they won't necessarily know where my thoughts are coming from.
A lot has been going on in my life lately and I have been super busy. Each of the events have left an impact on my life; but it has been all sunshine.
With my parents staying with me and taking good care of me, I had less me time to think about what is happening around me. In stead of cluttering all the thoughts in my mind, I used my weblog as a scratch board for things I later need to give a little thought to. A few examples of the not so everyday experiences I can think of which prompted a few of the notes on my weblog were:

• I have been reading a lot on violence against women lately.


• I took a self defence class and the pre-class information associated with it and the class itself ....


• Lately, I have been involved a lot in discussions about rights, reactions, sex ...

and well a few surprises on my birthday - nothing upsetting, some just unexpected. In the mean time, the usual trend of things in life, a friend in trouble and a few small decision makings.
What may have brought up the most concern was probably my last post talk. That was a late night when I was wondering about how things have evolved in my life and if I have acted well in response. It's one of those thoughts that hit you when you really have nothing to worry about. I thought someone new, someone who has not been involved in my life up to now, would probably be the best. Of course if someone is to know a lot of your personal details, well then ....
If I was to name the most valuable gift I have been granted in life, it would be that I have always had great people to talk to. People who would listen and be there for me. I have learned from all life's experiences that I am not lonely, even if I am alone at some stage.
I should thank you all for your concern and your kind words and sorry that I misled you! I can assure you that I am walking around with the biggest smile you can imagine painted on my face and I can't wait for the sun to rise on the next day of my life ...

talk

I need to talk. I need to talk to someone new. Someone I can trust, but someone new. Someone who can hear everything from the start. Someone who can help me think. Someone who can just be there, just because I need to talk. Someone who can hear and not judge. Someone who can listen, because I need to talk ... or may be tomorrow morning when I wake up, I won't need to talk ...

Bell funeral chapel

There's a funeral chapel on my way when I drive to or back from downtown. I especially notice it when I am driving home at night. It has a big digital clock and the sign below the clock reads: Bell Funeral Chapel. I wonder if it's meant to be a reminder to the living or a memory for the dead ...

men

Is it me or are there no longer any brave warriers on white horses? Someone strong who can be what you would think of as a "man". Why are the guys all so girly? Or is the gay wave taking everyone with them? Hmm, do I sound too old fashioned? Come to think of it may be I am!

flashback

Something went wrong. He was strong and confident knowing that he could do whatever it takes. Somewhere along the line he lost it. Something took his soul. What he depended on. Something confused him. Somewhere along the line he forgot priorities. Somewhere along the line the face of the events fooled him. Or may be it was all a delusion.

I hope he finds his way back. It's too bad to loose such a beautiful spirit. I know he can regain it. May be he has already started. I guess I'll never know ...

the dance

It's like a dance, and most people know the unwritten rules. You look your partner in the eye, walk, take a few quick steps, separate, and meet somewhere else on the dance floor. And you repeat that in a different or similar order. Some times you know that you should walk together longer, sometimes you know that you should take a few extra steps and allow the rhythm to guide you until you meet your partner again. It's amazing how sometimes life plays its music so loud you can indeed hear it as the day unwinds.

journey

As I was jogging along the mountain trail, I was thinking to myself that I've become a regular. It's like any other club, you get to know the people. A smile, a nod, and an occasional "Hi".

I had started to classify the people I meet as I watched a couple cross the street and walk on to the trail. I took a glance at their faces and passed. And then I stopped. I knew the lady. Quick thought. Parin Dossa! That was it! I though of running in the direction they were walking but I didn't. And I don't really know if I thought I shouldn't disturb her exercise time or my own.

I picked a few berries on the way back thinking of the bears that woke up this year, not to find any food ... having to walk to urban regions ...

details

It's all about the details. The small yet elegant things in life. It's all about the details; you just have to realize the delicacies ...

London bomings

Finally, a few lines that make sence ....

sunset

I was looking out of my bedroom window when I saw ... God looking down at me ...

Burnaby, BC, Canada

my married friends

I don't know if this is a good thing or a bad thing, but it seems you can't say anything to a married friend and expect them not to tell their spouse. Or may be this is only true about girls. I can think of many things I have told my male friends and at least it doesn't seem that their spouses know.

Not that I am asking my friends to keep a part of their lives secret from their partner. It's more my personal matters that end up where I didn't expect them to be. On the other hand, it's really not that bad. I mean I am after all close friends with my friends' spouses. It's just kind of ... well ... you sometimes need that girl-friend bond. And also, things change a little when they are conveyed ...

I don't know, I might end up telling everything to my husband; and then I'll remember expecting others to do what I can't do myself!

my black jacket

I lost my black jacket some time in the past few weeks. I don't usually loose things, I can't remember the last time I lost something. But it's ok - although I really liked it and I thought it looked good on me.

When I reach for it the next few times and find it not hanging at the back of my wardrobe, it will remind me of a sweet memory. The last time I remember I had it was a late night I was walking from our underground parking to my apartment, thinking how proud of myself I am for the strength I showed and for the decision I made. I was thinking that I have set my standards and I now know my territory. And that when I decide to do something - or not to do something - there is a fairy well developed ideology behind it.

So now, every time that I remember I lost my black jacket, or even if I find it, it will remind me that I am becoming a grown up, in a way that I like to grow up!

rebound

He walked away. He was on a rebound; and if he was blind, she could see it. She waited for him for a while. But when he came back, she was gone ...

نقطه سر یا ته خط

!به یاد نقطه سر خط عزیز ... حالا سر یا ته خط چه فرقی داره، نقطه نقطه است

why women cry ...

When I wrote cry baby, I had the idea that I have become overly sesnsitive to my surroundings. Yesterday I got an email from a friend that made me rethink that ...

God's reason for why women cry:

"When I made woman, I decided she had to be special.
I made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world,
yet, made her arms gentle enough to give comfort...
I gave her the inner strength to endure childbirth
and the rejection that many times will come even from her own children.
I gave her a hardness that allows her to keep going
and take care of her family and friends,
even when everyone else gives up,
through sickness and fatigue without complaining....
I gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances.
Even when her child has hurt her badly....
She has the very special power to make a child's boo-boo feel better
and to quell a teenager's anxieties and fears....
I gave her strength to care for her husband, despite faults
and I fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart....
I gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife,
but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve
to stand beside him unfalteringly....
For all of this hard work, I also gave her a tear to shed.
It is hers to use whenever needed and it is her only weakness....

When you see her cry,
tell her how much you love her,
and all she does for everyone,
and even though she may still cry,
you will have made her heart feel good."

our little whale

I am not quite sure about my take on zoos and aquariums. Although I love to watch animals, I feel it may be a step too far to keep them in captivity. Especially now that we have all the equipment to watch them in their own habitat - if we leave them a habitat of course.

One of our baby whales died yesterday. And again, it made me wonder how far we should allow ourselves to interfere in the lives of other creatures.

a sin

I can't convince myself not to read something, it's not facing reality. And it's a gift anyway, it came a long way. So what's the harm in reading it? I know, it's the history, the thoughts. But it's just a paperback novel and I know I am way stronger than I used to be. So may be no harm can come from letting my thoughts wander for a while. Truth is, now I am at the point where I don't know if I am justifying something or being realistic ...

mission moon

I don't think man can dream of something and resist to make it come true. Just look at what we are doing now and where we were such a short time ago ...

chime

I hung the chime in the balcony next to the smaller one I had bought myself. It's colorful and it reminds me that you just need to make a wish ...

my day

My parents are with me. I have the best friends in the world. I love people, and they love me back. The days are sunny. I live in a place I love. My life is full. I feel happiness surrounding me. I am so happy I was bought into this world ... I cherish every moment ...

memories

Why do I have a memory? And why is it so detailed? Why do things replay so clearly in my mind that it seems they just happened?

May be I am obsessed with dates and times, or may be everyone's the same. I feel, looking at the calendar, I am lost in time. It doesn't matter if it happened today, or last year, or many years ago on the same date. The memories are all bright and clear, and some times, so are the emotions.

i've moved on

I don't want to talk about it. I don't even want to think about it. It drains all my energy and it reminds me of struggle. I let it go a long time ago, so why are they still talking to me about it? Don't they get it? It's gone. It's over. I've moved on ...

drums

He carried one of his drums to the car and came back for the rest. She was helping him when she noticed the little boy watching them. She took one of the smaller drums and played on it looking at the little fellow. Then she put the drum on the ground so the kid could reach and play ... after pounding his hand on the drum a few times, now he was so excited that he wanted to help carry the drums ...

خوش آمد

خوش آمد گل وزان خوشتر نباشد

که در دستت بجز ساغرنباشد

too much

I was getting to that overwhelmed state of mine again. You know, that point where you hit rock bottom. You just don't know what you want, but you know that you don't want what you have. It's because there is so much to do and you only have two hands and 24 hours a day. Tension grows, you're overworked and you hear yourself complaining and worrying and ... then the hero comes along, with the strength to carry on ... how some people just calm you down exactly when you need it. You feel their inner peace ... and you just, float ....

send to as many ...

Again, I got one of those emails that tell you to send something to all the people you can or else your whole world will blow into pieces. I had read it before, and I read it again. I liked it, so I though someone else might like to read it too:

1. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.


2. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.


3. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.


4. When you say, "I love you," mean it.


5. When you say, "I'm sorry," look the person in the eye.


6. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.


7. Believe in love at first sight.


8. Never laugh at anyone's dreams. People who don't have dreams don't have much.


9. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.


10. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.


11. Don't judge people by their relatives.


12. Talk slowly but think quickly.


13. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?"


14. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.


15. Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.


16. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.


17. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and Responsibility for all your actions.


18. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.


19. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.


20. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.


21. Spend some time alone.

سارا

.... این شعر گرچه خیلی وزن و قافیه درستی نداره و ... ولی یه چیزی از دوران خوب مدرسه ام توش هست که

یادم نرفته سارا، دستان کوچکت بود، در دست کوچک ما
حرفت همیشه سارا در ذهن ماندنی بود
درست به کودکیمان شیرین و خواندنی بود

بعد از تو بود اکرم، تکلیف اینچنین بود
شاید که عشق ما هم شیرینیش همین بود

مردی می آمد از دور، داسش به یاد یاران
مردی به پشت اسبش آهسته زیر باران

گلدان عشق ژاله، بی آب دیده افسرد
دلهای سبز ما هم چون اشک ژاله افسرد

فریاد دشت برخاست، زیر نوای چوپان
ترس از دروغ آمد با او به زندگیمان

تصمیم داشت کبری، دیگر کتاب خود را
باران زده نبیند شاید به شوق فردا

فردا که آمد امروز پیوسته ماندنی نیست
تصمیم خوب کبری امروز خواندنی نیست

شاید چنین توان گفت، تصمیم داشت دریا
باشد همیشه با ما، شوید غبار غم را

کم کم بزرگتر شد سارا و حرف او هم
دیگر نداشت چیزی از عشق و عاشقی کم

تقسیم عشق سارا بین تمام دنیا
سهل است دیگر این کار صفر است حاصل اما

ای کاش درس سارا با یک انار می ماند
ای کاش کودکی باز در دل ترانه می خواند

درد است در دل من اینجا و عشق آنجا
گر فرصتی دهد دست گیرم سراغ سارا

نیما جهان بین -

recycle

There was an old Chinese woman who would come to campus to collect all the empty pop cans that she could, and return them for the refund. About a month ago I noticed that locks had been installed onto all the recycle bins. Why would they do that? It seems so mean to me.

I know it's probably illegal, but why would anyone care? She was earning an income doing so and I am sure the recycle fees for pop cans was not an important source of income for the school! So why would they prevent her for gaining some extra money from it. I still see her sometimes. Not on campus though. I can tell by her eyes that she hates the authorities at school for taking away what might have been a meal to her ...

group activity

It is amazing to me how groups of people do a similar activity so differently. The thought first struck me when I tried to play a game which was a group favorite in one group among a different group of people. Oh my it went bad! The group just couldn't pull it together. The interesting thing is that most of the people I hang out with are Sharif graduates who are doing graduate studies in Vancouver, so there is not that much diversity among group members.

This week I tried a regular activity, which we had very nicely accomplished many times in one group, with another group. We went on a picnic and had a barbecue. Although everything came out fine, I noticed this group didn't have the coordination and the ability to do this task as well as the first group. First of all, me and two of the guys did all the work and I really mean it so. The rest of the guys literally sat there and watched as we lit the fire, prepared and served the food. The important point is, my previous experiences with this group showed that we can work as a whole to accomplish a goal, just not the barbecue thing!

I can think of a group of friends which I probably couldn't convince to go on such a picnic ... I guess this group are the people I should only sing and dance with and I guess that's why you need to be friends with different people ...

thoughts

Read this ...

Canada day!

Horrrrrrrray! I really do love this country and I am so glad I moved here instead of anywhere else. Anyway, I'll be out celebrating all day, because this place gave me something my homeland hadn't ...