notes

Walking around now are we? ... step two or may be tip toe ...

الان

امروز داشتم فکر می کردم چم شده؟ که اینو خوندم. سوسکی راست می گه. فکر کنم من هم همین مشکل رو دارم. همه تابستون رو مهمون داری کردم، یا به هر حال شلوغ پلوغ بوده دور و برم. من شلوغی و اینا خیلی دوست دارم، ولی الان دلم یه کم تنهایی می خواد. یه کم خودم باشم، حداکثر یه نفر دیگه، ولی سکوت باشه. یه کم حواسم جمع بشه. می دونم حالا پاییز می آد و همه چی آروم می شه. ولی خوب، اون موقع غبطه الان رو می خورم و فکر می کنم کاش بیشتر استفاده کرده بودم!؟

prostitution

It kind of gives me the feeling that when people loose touch with their human side, all there is left to sex is the physical activity. Probably satisfying for a short period of time, but I guess it leaves you with holes in your soul, whether you're the prostitute or the client as they call it.

There has been an on going dispute about legalizing prostitution in Canada and I have been following it from a distance. I still haven't formed an opinion on whether or not I support it. With all the unnerving realities, the upside to it may be that better protection will be provided to these people, and fewer of them will end up missing forever.

Recently, I read Eleven Minutes. It gave me a little insight in to the state of mind such a person may have, but came to the same conclusions I believe in. I watched Dr Phil talk to a prostitute on his program. She told her story. That she had been repeatedly raped as a child and had stepped into the business at the age of 12. That she was numb and no longer had any feeling for sex, just the physical activity, just a way of getting easy(?!) money, which I guess is the trap for many.

It's a wide spread problem here in Vancouver. Especially with all the tourism and drugs. I guess you can say the same for most big cities. And back home, it's just denial ...

I know it's a history long profession (if I may say so); and probably with the busy, pressured, lives that we are living, no solution is in sight any time soon. But maybe no one is even looking. Maybe no one even cares about how some people are forced to put a price on intimacy ...

here and there

• Did you know that after Christmas back to school sales are the highest! It's somehow wired that even furniture store are having back to school sales. I mean how much of an essential is a sofa for school?
• It's Michael Jackson's 47th birthday today. Whether he looks 47 is another question I guess.
• A new press release from the University of Scranton claims that coffee, being a good source of antioxidants, is helpful for your health, if you're not a kid or pregnant or old ... They are recommending one or two cups a day preferably served with milk. I am for sure one person pleased with that report ...

lonely no more

The radio station I listen to has been playing this song a lot lately, I like it.

Now it seems to me
That you know just what to say
But words are only words
Can you show me something else?
Can you swear to me that you'll always be this way?
Show me how you feel
More than ever, baby

I don't wanna be lonely no more
I don't wanna have to pay for this
I don't want to know the lover at my door,
Is just another heartache on my list

I don't wanna be angry no more
But you know I could never stand for this
So when you tell me that you love me, know for sure
I don't want to be lonely anymore

Now it's hard for me, with my heart still on the mend
Open up to me, like you do your girlfriends
And you sing to me, and it's harmony
Girl, what you do to me is everything
Make me say anything; just to get you back again
Why can't we just try?

I don't wanna be lonely no more
I don't wanna have to pay for this
I don't want to know the lover at my door,
Is just another heartache on my list

I don't wanna be angry no more
You know I could never stand for this
So when you tell me that you love me, know for sure
I don't want to be lonely anymore

What if I was good to you, what if you were good to me?
What if I could hold you 'til I feel you move inside of me
What if it was paradise, and what if we were symphonies?
What if I gave all my life to find some way to stand beside you?

I don't wanna be lonely no more
I don't wanna have to pay for this
I don't want to know the lover at my door
Is just another heartache on my list

I don't wanna be angry no more
But you know I could never stand for this
So when you tell me that you love me, know for sure
I don't want to be lonely anymore

- Rob Thomas (of Matchbox Twenty)

calendar

I know we're past July and August (I really missed this one!). And almost into September (which I already know is going to be crazy). But will that change anything for me? I doubt so. And then October. So what?! I have spent about two whole days with mom. I feel far more relaxed than to worry about people and my calendar ... so let it be, let it be, let it be ...

finally!

I have a sewing machine! I spent some time going through the catalogue. It's a little more advanced than my mom's, but the same basic things. Now I have to start making clothes. Of course after I hand in the extended abstract for the VT conference and a thousand other things ... at least I know I have it ... in case I need it ...

shoes

It's all about shoes.

- Cinderella

tea

Not that I am extremely interested in drinking tea, I was just worried that coffee might have the same effects as tea on iron absorption. As for tea, black tea contains tannins that strongly inhibit the absorption of non-heme iron (e.g., iron from non-animal sources). This iron-blocking effect is so strong that drinking black tea can help treat hemochromatosis, a disease of iron overload. But as it turns out, not coffee! So thank God we're safe there. For the legends about how humans discovered tea and more health details see this.

قاصدک

یه نفر برام یه قاصدک فرستاده بود. فقط مثل من، به این فکر نکرده بود که کسی که قاصدک رو می گیره زبون قاصدکها رو بلد نیست

a conference

Would you take Melbourne, Australia in May or Istanbul, Turkey in June? If I submit the paper to VTC in Melbourne, my supervisor will be with me and well that means I'll get to meet a lot of big names in the business which is always good for the future! And I'll get to see Melbourne which is an excitement of its own. But it's fall there at that time. On the other hand, if I pick Istanbul, I can go back home at very little cost and it's ICC so ... What do I do now?!

tooth

My dad lost his tooth last night as we were eating pizza. It makes me sad to think he is getting old. Why do people have to grow old? I guess that's a silly question. You can't be in the same stage all the time, thing have to change. They have to move forward. It doesn't make me feel better though ...

recommendation

After I had delayed sending in my application for a year, I decided to wait a few more days so my supervisor would come back from his vacation and could possibly write me a recommendation. Little did I know that ... look at this:

"... has an excellent character. She is hard working, pleasant and reliable. Undergraduate students like her as a teaching assistant and she is popular with everyone in the School of Engineering Science .... would be a real asset to Canada if she immigrates. Her application has my strongest support."

And that was only part of the letter. With his signature - he is a well known person - under that letter, I think I'm in for a treat!

my aunt

My aunt keeps calling me and asking if there is anything going on. She goes on to ask if I am considering anyone for marriage! Is that how she thinks I spend my summer? Interviewing applicants as she calls it?! Can't I just not be thinking about that for a while? I wonder what's on her mind?! She doesn't have a son to fit the profile and I really don't think she's going to recommend anyone. She could have done that when I visited ...

مهمان

مهمان گرچه عزیز است ولی همچو نفس

خفه می سازد، چون آید و بیرون نرود

cat-sitting

A friend had to go out of town for a while and I offered to take care of her cat. Of course the cat is at her place, so I have to drop by every other day to feed and groom the cat.

Today was the first day. I walked in to find the cat sitting behind the door giving me just enough room to squeeze in. I knew she was shy and a little scared - my friend adopted the cat from SPCA so the poor animal had been on the streets for a while and from what I could see at the time had had a hard time.

I didn't approach her at the instant. I walked around a bit and then picked up her brush ... she was purring happily in no time. One step.

I gave her a full dish of her veterinarian's food. Second step. She still wasn't trusting me though. She wouldn't play catch the string. I walked around the house for a while. Spent a little time on the couch she likes and ... She was beginning to get more comfortable with me. Going for short walks and sitting closer each time ...

I was sitting on the comfort seat in the guest room watching TV, when she came and glanced in the room. Elegantly walking through the dining room on to the porch, she looked in again through the sliding glass door. After she was sure that it's safe, she walked in and sat in front of the TV with me. We were doing fine now ...

As I walked out of the door she came with me. I told her to go back in. Maybe another day we could go outside for a walk, we don't want to take it too fast ...

people

Some people walk in the rain, others only get wet.

- Roger Miller

نشود

گوهر پاک بباید که شود قابل فیض

ورنه هر سنگ و گلی لؤلؤ و مرجان نشود

اسم اعظم بکند کار خود ای دل، خوش باش

که به تلبیس و حیل دیو مسلمان نشود

عشق می ورزم و امید که این فن شریف

چون هنرهای دگر موجب حرمان نشود

national parks

I am jotting down the top ten National parks in Canada hoping that I will be able to visit them in a timely manner. I think they are in reverse order, meaning the last one is the best.

1. Kutsymatean (?) (British Columbia)
2. Wood Buffalo (Alberta)
3. Cypress Hill (Alberta and Saskatoon boarder)
4. Banks Island (Northern territories)
5. Muskwa - Kechika (British Columbia)
6. Brakendale (British Columbia)
7. Elk Island (Alberta)
8. Sagvenary (?) (Quebec)
9. Fifth River (Yukon)
10. Churchill (Manitoba)

racism

Farmer (2003) and Bannerji (1995) have respectively noted that the effects of racism are injurious. The wounds go deep and impact on one's sense of well-being and identity as a person. But there is no closure. People who fight back must also be listened to, because they bring to light the elements of a just world. A first and important step is to recognize their subjectivity.

- Politics and Poetics of Migration

moonlight

There's a full moon in the sky ...

space internet

"One thing is certain: NASA is moving toward a networked model of interplanetary communications. Long gone are the days of dedicating a communications link to any one craft. The question is how to build a network for a sky full of orbiters, shuttles, surveyors, and other space craft - the equipment that will be our eyes and ears to the universe. We want to make sure we get the best view possible."

This is the closing statement for the Interplanetary Internet article in the recent IEEE spectrum magazine. It's true, they are putting up an entire network in the sky.
Unlike most kids I didn't grow up with a dream of conquering the skies. But since I started working in wireless communications, I have become very interested in space communications. It's the edge on technology. Just think that collecting date from all the shuttles and crafts will be as simple as checking your email!

personality crown

My mood ring had me thinking what if there was such a thing as a personality crown; so that it would show your true personality if you wore it. How many people do you think would wear one? Setting aside the uncertainty in its prediction, would it be as important as your physical appearance to people? Would they learn that even having the courage to wear a crown gives you an outstanding character? ... I am still not sure if it would affect the majority. I have come to believe that people judge mostly on appearances. Why else would it be that everyone only comments you on your looks and almost never on your attitude, manners ... ?

P.S. While I was answering Pedram's comment, it occurred to me that my crown is another interpretation of Sohrab saying:

.... کاش آدمها دانه های دلشان پیدا بود

a letter

Part of Dr Hojabri's email:

As a good-will gesture and to resume the activities of IEEE chapters in Iran, Dr. Lightner accepted an invitation of the organizers of the Telecommunication Conference in Shiraz to attend this conference from 10-12 of September. In spit of some skepticism that considering the recent developments in Iran and the current tension in relations between Iran and USA this trip will not take place, Dr. Lightner is going to Iran on September 9 and his visa has been issued, although with some delay! I will join him in Tehran for the trip to Shiraz.
Dr. Lightner will use the opportunity to visit the University of Shiraz during the conference, and Tehran University & Sharif University of Technology after the conference. A meeting with the President of Tehran University is also scheduled for September 13.

God bless him, he works so hard to make a difference ...

mood detector

I had lunch with a lab mate today. After that we went into the dollar shop on campus and did a little shopping ... I bought a mood ring. Since then I have been monitoring my mood!

As I was walking towards the lab it was green, which according to its catalogue means I am active. As soon as I entered the lab it turned dark purple which is supposed to indicate a feeling of romance! So as I showed it to everyone, they started making fun of me ... may be they are right what can be so romantic about the lab!

Truth is I think it's rather cooler in the lab and with the drop in temperature the ring indicates a romantic mood! Whatever it is, it has become an amusement for the time being. I have enjoyed my $2 ring for at least $200 up to now ... it's still indicating a romantic mood. Who knows, may be I am constantly feeling romance!

هیجان

!قلبم اینقدر تند می زنه که ضربانش رو توی سرم احساس می کنم! خوب این هم یه جورشه

some people ...

Maybe I am mean, or maybe some people are just disgusting! The way they talk, their attitude, how they present simple things as if they are the most complicated facts and how they act as if being flirty is just fine ... ugh ... where has dignity gone?

small world

So we have all agreed that with the advances in technology, the world has become a smaller place. But this small! I would never have believed it! I mean, I traveled half way around the globe and now I am living as if nothing has changed. You walk on the street and bump into people you know, how cool is that? Or you surf the web just to find that someone you last talked to a few years ago lives a few blocks away! I am confused. Especially with all the homeland thoughts still buzzing in my head ...

stats

I found some interesting statistics in the Citizenship and Immigration Canada website. Make sure you scroll down and look at the bar graphs. Compare the percentage of immigrants from different areas around the world. Again, scroll down to the bar charts.

masculinity

From Manifestation I found this. Although some of it I already knew from experience, it was interesting to see it as research ...

بزن بارون

... بزن بارون، بزن بارون، سراپا خیس خیسم کن

homeland

The article, although not written very strong, had me thinking for a while. I am a proud Iranian, but I know in my heart that I am not very willing to go back and live in Iran. At least not now. Of course, my reasons are personal, something along the lines that I still have a lot to learn in the big world I am living in. I want open fresh air to breathe .... I know, I am sacrificing a lot for that. But Canada does feel like home, like homeland ... and its sky is blue with white fluffy clouds ...

Maybe the simplest question to help you make up your mind about where your homeland is, is something like which country would you fight for in a war? Despite all the disagreement I have with the Iranian government, I can't say I would fight against Iran. I still feel too strong for the land and the people. My roots are still in its soil, although I enjoy the rain that falls to the ground in my new land ....

hair

Ok, so now everyone has become overly concerned about my hair. What's wrong with it as it is? I mean I am more than happy with the short cut styles, but it seems others don't agree with me! Should I let it grow? I hate it to take a lot of my time to do my hair, although now that I think of it I have not been very satisfied about the looks lately ...

immigrant

"... they accept highly qualified immigrants because they want well educated cheap labor. Otherwise they would allow them to work in their field of expertise ..."

hard

As he was saying " ... it's hard for a guy to go through all of that ..." I was thinking that he'll never know how it feels for a girl ...

dress

Now I need somewhere to wear my new brown dress to. I really like it, so it should be somewhere special ... hmmm, this is getting complicated. May be I should shop less frequently. Or may be I should find more places to go to ... Oh and by the way, I left my book Confessions of a Shopaholic at the hairdresser, whatever that implies ... I bet there's a smile on your face. You really have to come shopping with me to know the thrill ...

only time

Who can say where the road goes,
Where the day flows, only time ...
And who can say if your love grows,
As your hearth chose, only time ...

Who can say why your heart sights,
As your love flies, only time ...
And who can say why your heart cries
when your love lies, only time ...

Who can say when the roads meet,
That love might be, in your heart ...
and who can say when the day sleeps,
and the night keeps all your heart?
Night keeps all your heart.....

Who can say if your love grows,
As your heart chose, only time ...
And who can say where the road goes
Where the day flows, only time ...

Who knows? Only time
Who knows? Only time

- Enya

alone

There was a day, some time ago, that I suddenly realized many things had changed around me. My parents didn't have control over each and every thing like when I was a kid. There were times that they were as frustrated as I was, and there was nothing either of us could do. Discovering this fact turned my life around. It made me come face to face with reality, and step out of the fairy tale I was living. It was bitter, but it was the truth.

At that time I was talking to a friend, telling him how it had hurt me deep inside to come to a point that no one could really support me .... he said: " ... there's that time when you realize you are alone, living life as a single soul and no one, no one is behind you. Maybe they never were ... "

I am not quite sure that I agree with him about the loneliness. But there is one thing I know for sure. At the end of the day, you're left with yourself to sort out your life, no matter how close someone else is to you, and no matter how many people you share love with ....

This reminded me of some of these thoughts ....

نوروز

شادند جهانیان به نوروز و به عید

عید من و نوروز من امروز تویی

heavenly

I have known my love for children for some time now. Taking care of my cousin's son for the past week, I have realized how good I am getting at this. Or may be it's just natural for me. I had the same experience with a friend's new born. I guess it's the simple beautiful stare in the child's eyes or the innocence in their grasp ... whatever it is, it's heavenly ....

عریان

تنت را برای کسی عریان کن که روحش را برای تو عریان کند

چارلی چاپلین

real data

Last week I called my cell phone company to ask a question and ended up complaining to them about a lot of things. Later in the week, I got a call from an independent firm doing costumer satisfaction surveys about their service - the person calling had exact information about the call I had made. I like it that markets evolve around real data here. Nothing close to what I had seen back home. It's - to a good extent - an independent market where they have to work hard to survive.

Hmm, Quebec now has new laws to protect costumers on the quality of service they receive from contractors or .... That is very genuine!

grand finally

Man has always been fascinated by light and fire. You would think things have changed after so long, turns out it's not quite so.

I saw an overwhelmed crowd of people starring into the sky in search of what probably initially attracted people to fire.

It fulfilled your soul ... spectacular ... and of course the music .... an unbelievable combination .... not to mention the great social side there is to such gatherings of a very large group of people ....

باز

.... یک نفر باز صدا زد سهراب

sandals

I danced for a few hours, only stopping to catch breath, and then I stepped outside. It was cool, just like you would want it to be on a Summer night. I sat on the swing chair and glazed at the sky. The stars were glittering and as the night grew old, they got brighter.

I felt I could fly. I closed my eyes. Ah! the silence I had been looking for in the past few weeks. It was then that I remembered how sleepy and tired I should be. I couldn't feel that though.

Thinking past all the silly things I heard, I came back to the thought that an element had been missing in my dance. My sandals were ok. I had just used them an excuse.

It occurred to me that only my body had been dancing. That's why the movements were not complete. That's why I didn't enjoy it as much as I should have. As soon as I had stepped out, my soul had found its way back. I was enjoying an emotional satisfaction which I can not frame in words.

I opened my eyes only to start thinking that I should be going home. So why wasn't I? I was waiting for guitar time. It was part of the reason I had made the effort to go. The strings, they ... I really like guitar time ....

Ever felt like this?

Citicorp Center, Los Angeles, CA, October 2003

one more day

One more day and it's over. I really need some rest. Just one more day!

UV

The UV index has been rather high lately - no wonder you can't stay in the Sun for too long. This prompted me to look around for a little information about it.

They're telling us to use a sunblock with an SPF of at least 15! What are we doing to the world and our own bodies?

گنجی

... درباره گنجی نمی دونم. شاید باید هنوز بیشتر فکر کنم

ties

She descirbed it as female-centered kin ties, I had never thought of a name for it.

نی نی

پرسید: تو دوست کی ای؟

گفتم: دوست مامان

گفت: اسمت چیه؟

گفتم: شیرین

فکر کنم می خواست بگه پس چرا من اینجام؟ ولی هیچی نگفت. وقتی داشتم می اومدم بیرون گفت: زود برگرد

invisible

Let's not talk. Let's pretend we don't know each other. Let's pretend I'm invisible ...

all man made

What would you think that means? Depending on the product, to a girl, that would either mean that it's man made material or it has been hand made. Guess what a guy reads that to be? No women have participated in the making of this product!!! Discrimination at an extent!

hope

It read: "Hope is not a dream, but a way of making dreams become reality."

انتظار

نوشته بود: "منتظر می مانم چندانکه تو راضی شوی." گرچه منظورش رو نفهمیدم ولی پیش خودم فکر کردم، کاش دوست داشتنهامون اینجوری باشه